Monday, March 2, 2009

Tuesdays Tribute - Dr. Seuss... Kinda

I tribute my wonderful childhood friend Dr. Seuss, who has stuck with me even as an adult. {I use the term adult loosely.}. As many who know me are aware, I have a tendency to act like a child at times. I just can't help myself. Childhood was so fun. Can I help it that I enjoy creativity, wondering, pondering and playing in the rain, mud and snow? It is exactly that inner nature that spawns some of life's more interesting and hilarious moments. Dr. Seuss has provided a canvas for the odd, the interesting and the bizarre in my mind. Just look at the characters and the story lines and even the adult sub-plots.

Some of the moments in my life are actually very Seuss-esk. For example: the day I decided to take all the worms we were studying in 1st grade and put them in the pages of the girls' books. I have to believe that Mrs. Walker is fully enjoying her well earned dirt nap. So even from 6 feet above I am sorry. But the look on the faces of my 1st grade girl mates was absolutely priceless. Ok, I am not sorry, RIP.

All of the above transitions me into a new chapter of Seuss moments. A fish bowl with a real live goldfish swimming inside on the back of a toilet?

Ok so, this sent me into a mind warp of epic proportion because here I was ready to use a friend's restroom and as I prepare to take care of my business I look forward to see the goldfish staring back at me. So I talk to it. Yes, a conversation with a goldfish.
"What, are you looking at flipper?"
The fish just circles the bowl and comes back.
"What? What do you want? I am trying to do something here."
"Can you at least turn yourself around so those beady little eyes are not watching?"
"Hey, quit taking notes, you sicko. You're just jealous pal. I will flush your yellow tailed ass."
Great, now I have stage fright and cannot do what I came to do.( Stage fright: when I played college football we used to have to take random drug tests. Pee in a cup. Anyway you always had someone watching you do this peeing act to verify you did not cheat the test. It is really hard to pee while someone is watching you and expecting this act to just happen, so sometimes you could not perform the task. We coined this as stage fright.)
Sigh.. Who freaking puts a fish on the back of their toilet?
"You win Goldie, I am using another restroom."

Then I got to thinking. Wow, can you imagine the database of events and things that fish has seen? Lots of nakedness to be sure. I wonder what else? The possibilities abound. What a life. Get fed, swim and watch restrooms' funniest videos live and in person. No one is safe from the fish scrutiny. It probably has copious notes on each and every soul that has dared drop trow in the facility.
They read: (Jimbob, wow, he could hunt with that thing. Steve, not so much. Probably some sort of rating system for the gals as well, who knows?)
That fish has probably been witness to childhood antics, adult passions and shenanigans of untold magnitude. What a great interview he or she would be. There is always one's desire to be a fly on the wall on many occasions, but I am thinking being a fish in the bowl could be quite interesting.
Tuesday's Tribute
Yet Another Jay and Deb Production.


Halftime Lessons said...

OMG That is awesome...
As soon as I am positive that my 2 year old won't shatter the fish all over the tile floor I am getting one for the bathroom. long does a fish live without sunlight? And will he routinely plunge the toilet?

Deb said...

hilarious. obviously i need to get going on that button post... pronto!

Ali said...

Seriously, does it get any better than Dr. Seuss? I love him (and Shel Silverstein, my other favorite). Big or small, young or old, those two authors/poets are truly the best.

Eudea-Mamia said...

Love it! I feel sorry for the fish's psyche really - living that close to death every day.

Heads up Goldie - "All drains lead to the ocean" is a load of crap...

(I just finished Dr. Seuss' Book About Me with my Oldest this weekend. He loves looking at the one I made when I was his age - at least I'll have that since I never finished his baby book.)

Carrin said...

Isn't it Dr. Suess's birthday this week? My kids have been talking about him a lot lately.

mommaof4wife2r said...

that is hysterical...stage fright?

texasholly said...

I thought I was just glad I wasn't a fish due to that whole hook and getting caught and eaten thing, but now you point out another reason entirely.